UK to outsource torture services

16th Oct 2005, 11:00 pm

The British government is to outsource torture services in order to allay Human Rights fears.

Torture has come increasingly back into fashion amongst western governments in recent years. But it is still seen by some as having rather seedy overtones. To counter this effect, the UK is seeking compliant foreign governments to undertake the work on its behalf.

Saudi Arabia, Turkey and the United States have all expressed an interest in carrying out the work - although in the case of the US the actual Service Centre would be off-shore at Guantanamo Bay.

Masked man with pliers
A Government spokesperson

A spokesperson for the Government said "We condone torture unequivically. Shit, condemn! I meant condemn! Bugger. While we will of course continue to use information supplied by third parties which may have been gained through the use of torture - which, as I've said, is really not on at all - we won't actually do any of the nasty business ourselves. At most, we might send them a note with a few questions to ask, you know, while they're at it anyway."


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