IRA have disarmed, say IRA

25th Sep 2005, 11:00 pm

The IRA have destroyed their entire stock of weapons, putting them 'completely beyond use', the IRA said today.

"Oh, yes. We've definitely got rid of all our guns, sure" sniggered a spokesperson. "We certainly haven't held anything back 'just in case', cross my heart and hope to die."

The British Government welcomed the news. Northern Ireland Secretary Peter Hain released a terse, strongly-worded statement saying "Oh goodie! Aah, that's so nice of them, isn't it? It really is sweet. Restores your faith in humanity really. Good for them."

The IRA spokespoerson continued "We've destroyed all the ammo too, and the Semtex, and have definitely not stashed any away, anywhere. No way."


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